Leaguer Men At Work
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: it's battle of the sexes as the JLA men are blackmailed, forced, threatened and bribed into doing all the utmost outrageous, humiliating and downright hilarious chores the JLA women give them. Hilarity ensues as the girls play all day while the men grumble and slave all day.
**Leaguer Men at Work**

 **Chapter 1**

"Oh my Hera, look at all this; electric, guzzoline, mortgage, lighting, phone, food, groceries… if we don't pay these bills, we'll be forced to vacate to Park Row and do work with all the bums and vagrants!" Wonder Woman griped as Black Mask was reading the newspaper

"huh?" Black Mask asked, glancing up from his paper

"I *said* pay the bills Roman. Hippolyta wants it done today" Diana said, placing the bills down on his desk

"eh, don't worry about a thing. I'll get to it" Black Mask shrugged, leaning back in his recliner

"well you'd better or else the IRS will repossess your entire office" Diana said, walking away

"oy vey, I just got done babysitting my favorite niece Dinah, I fed all the animals, I went to Chucko's Grocer and got all the food, I went to the bank, now I gotta pay the f***** bills" Black Mask griped, getting up and getting his calculator and checkbook out of his pocket and began working on the bills

 **One Minute Later…**

"ok, Dinah's finally down for her nap" Hippolyta sighed, leaning back in her couch

"that's good. She's always a sweetie when she's sleeping" Ivy said, reading the paper

"yup. By the way, tomorrow I gotta buy her a pony" Hippolyta added

"a pony? Seriously? We have a man-eating crocodile, a fire-loving pyromaniac, and a giant slobbery slimy bug thing. Do we really need another animal?" Ivy asked

"well, Dinah never had a pet in her life. And since she has been very mature lately, I decided I would buy her a pet tomorrow" Hippolyta replied

"Ok, good enough. By the way, where's Harvey?" Ivy asked, getting up

"he's working late tonight. He's got a meeting with Judge Garvey" Hippolyta answered

"well, he isn't coming home from dinner?" Ivy asked as Hippolyta got a text from her phone

"oop, he isn't going to the meeting. He's staying home tonight" Hippolyta replied quickly

"well, couldn't get a word in edgewise, can you?" Ivy joked

"AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHH" Black Mask hollered irately

"oh my, sounds like someone is having trouble paying the bills" Ivy remarked

"yes, seems so. Ivy, be a dear and take care of him. I gotta go and see if he didn't wake Dinah" Hippolyta said, going upstairs to Dinah's room

"ok Roman, you bellowed?" Ivy asked, standing in the doorway as Black Mask paced the floor irately

"I… am… not… an…. Accountant. I… don't have the skills" Black Mask admitted

"ok, what?" Ivy asked, confused

"look at how much this guzzoline bill costs! $9,500,000! With that enough money, we could basically buy the entire state of Metropolis!" Black Mask roared

"Ok, Roman, just calm down and take it easy. I'll go send in Hush and Zsasz to help you" Ivy said

 **Meanwhile…**

"You ever wonder if you can actually breathe in space?" Zsasz asked, Hush looking at him weirdly

"did you drink some of Nora's tea again?" Hush asked, Zsasz shrugging just as Ivy came in

"boys, I need your help" Ivy said, Zsasz perking up in interest

"really?" Zsasz asked

"Mm-hmm. When I said me, I actually mean Roman. He's running himself ragged paying the bills and since he doesn't have the accounting shtick, you two lazy bums are gonna finish the job and you'll both be paid triple" Ivy offered

"When do we start?" Hush said, putting away his Playboy Bunny magazine

"Immediately" Ivy answered

"c'mon Vic, let's go to work" Hush said, getting up

"you don't have to tell me twice" Zsasz remarked

"oh good. I get Laurel and Hardy to help me out instead of real accountants" Black Mask joked sarcastically

"hahaha very funny" Hush deadpanned

"so, what do you need me to cut? Want me to cut up the IRS?" Zsasz asked excitedly

"No, no and hell to the no, knife boy. Put those razors away before boss lady sees you. You know she's very picky about people carrying sharp things in the house, especially **you** " Black Mask remarked

"ooh, yeah, you're right" Zsasz replied, putting his knives away

"Ok, here you go. Try to handle the guzzoline bill" Black Mask ordered, handing Zsasz the guzzoline bill

"right-o" Zsasz replied, going straight to work

"Hey boys, how's it going?" Hippolyta asked happily, peeking into the office, Dinah sleeping in her arms

"we're working as hard as we can, boss" Hush replied

"shhh…" Hippolyta hushed soothingly, pointing at a snoozing Dinah

"oops, sorry" Zsasz meekly apologized

"Ok! I paid the guzzoline bill! Thank goodness" Black Mask exhaled in relief

"Hey boys, hey Mom, what's goin' on?" Jade asked, blowing a bubble gum bubble

"Oh you know, same old, same old" Black Mask deadpanned, paying the electric bill

"that's pretty groovy. Hey uh Mom? Can Livewire and I go to Technodome tonight?" Jade asked

"I'll talk with Daddy about it, ok, sweetheart?" Hippolyta said lovingly, kissing Jade on the head

"thanks Mom. You're the best" Jade gushed, skipping off

"that's my little Jennifer" Hippolyta said in amusement

"hey. Is Dinah all set to go to the opera?" Jean asked, her and Emma poking their heads in

"oh yes I almost forgot. Dinah? Dinah, baby, wake up" Hippolyta crooned, shaking Dinah's shoulder

"hi Mommy, hi guys" Dinah said cheerfully

"hey honey" Black Mask replied as Jean scooped up Dinah

"oh and we'll be taking her out to dinner as well. Is that ok?" Jean asked as Dinah laid her head on Hippolyta's shoulder

"perfectly OK with me. Just make sure to bring her home around 8. Her bedtime's 9:30" Hippolyta instructed

"don't worry sis, your little baby birdie will be safe with us" Jean assured, Dinah hugging Hippolyta and kissing her cheek

"bye-bye Mommy" Dinah said as Jean got Dinah in her carseat

"bye sweetie. Be good" Hippolyta said, blowing her a kiss as the mini-van drove off

 **Later that night…**

"well done Roman. You managed to pay all the bills. I'm very proud" Hippolyta said

"yep, I still got it" Black Mask said cockily

"hey we're here" Jean called, carrying a sleeping Dinah in her arms

"hey! Aww, is my little girl sleepy?" Hippolyta cooed, scooping up Dinah

"she fell asleep during dinner, so we placed it in a takeout box and we brought her home" Emma explained

"ok, thank you so much for babysitting her. I'll go put her to bed" Hippolyta said, walking up the stairs to Dinah's room

"and you two have basically done nothing except handle the radio and the air conditioning! I think you deserve 5 cents each!" Black Mask snarled at Hush and Zsasz who were playing Angry Birds

"Hey, don't look at us like that. We're not incompetent, we're just typed that way" Zsasz remarked

"ugh, I give up. Just take your stuff and get outta my office" Black Mask heaved, waving his hands in the air

"so… we're not watching the UFC fight?" Zsasz asked as Black Mask irately grabbed the two bumbling ex-criminals by their neck collars and tossed them out of his office

"and next time you come in Victor, do me a favor and wipe your frigging feet! Or better yet, put some *censored* shoes on!" Black Mask hollered, closing the office door

"wow. He really is stressed out" Hush remarked

"yeah. He has over 12,000,000 workers in his mill and over 95 trillion of us to put up with in the Watchtower. Isn't it amazing he never snapped?" Zsasz added

"Hey! What are you two doing lollygagging? I got a new plasmascreen TV that needs to be installed in the game room! Now c'mon freeloaders, get to it! Chop-chop!" Two-Face barked

"uh, yes, Massa Dent" Zsasz said, imitating a slave accent as he staggered off

"ugh… I'm gonna need an extra shot of bourbon tonight" Two-Face moaned, before glaring at a dumbfounded Hush

"uh… what kind of bourbon?" Hush asked before gulping dramatically as Two-Face aimed his pistol at Hush's head

"I'm a fair man. I'll give you a five second head start before I let Firefly do anything he wants to you" Two-Face growled, Firefly next to him, with his trusty flamethrower

"look, guys, we can work this out…" Hush bargained

"one Mississippi, two Mississippi…" Two-Face counted, chambering a bullet as Hush yelped and ran for his life

"eh…. Two out of three alright with you, flamebrain?" Two-Face asked

"why not? I've been aching for a burnt Hush dog" Firefly joked, Two-Face staring at him in disgust

"…there's something wrong with you, and I pray to Hera that throughout the time FanFiction is still active, I WILL find out what goes on in that fried to a crisp brain of yours" Two-Face murmured

"…hehehehe" Firefly giggled, buzzing away

"oy… I'm living in a madhouse. A large, overly crowded madhouse" Two-Face moaned, rubbing his forehead

"what up?" Kyle asked

"oh geez, not YOU too… I just got those morons knife nut and mummy man to install my new TV and BBQ brain is off doing Hera knows what, so Kyle, do tell me just WHAT is on your mind that you so desperately need to tell me?" Two-Face asked, losing his sanity

"uh… I was wondering if you could help me and Carol out with something" Kyle started

"oh boy, oh boy, oh boy…" Two-Face grumbled, exhaling before composing himself

"we, uh… we need our new shower installed" Kyle said, Two-Face sweatdropping

"ok, fine. I'll do it" Two-Face grumbled, stomping off to Hal's and Carol's room

"…what the hey is eating HIM?" Hal asked the camera

…

"ugh, finally after a long day at work, all I wanna do is just sit down and have some quality time. And of course by quality time I mean me and the newspaper" Metallo sighed, opening the sports section of The Themysciera Post Dispatch when all of a sudden he heard some all too familiar giggling. And the giggling belonged to a certain crazy duo consisting of a mischief-making blonde and brunette

"hey Uncle Johnny" Kara and Alex both chimed in unison, showing off their trademark smiles

"and as if on cue, enter my completely crazy twin nieces who are NOT the twins from The Shining" Metallo deadpanned to the camera, tossing the newspaper aside as he faced the twins

"alright. Whaddya want me to help you with THIS time?" Metallo asked apathetically, Kara and Alex looking at each other and giggled to themselves

"this CANT be good" Metallo said to the camera

"can you help us with our homework?" Kara asked, her and Alex giving their half-man, half-machine uncle the infamous puppy dog eyes stare

"ok fine, I'll do it" Metallo grumbled

"YAAAAYYYY" Kara and Alex cheered, both dragging Metallo up to their room

"…well there goes the rest of my Saturday night" Metallo remarked to the camera

…

"Smallville! Get in here" Lois bellowed loudly

"ugh… not tonight, please not TONIGHT…" Superman whined, turning off the Final Four basketball game as he came to face his extremely hormonal and pregnant wife

"ok Lois, what is it?" Superman asked, his eyes showing dark circles, small gray hair forming and a cold pale pallor over his face

"I need you to go to the store and buy me all the soft frozen ice cream they've got. ALL THE FLAVORS AND I MEAN ALL OF THEM" Lois roared, the sheer volume of her roar blowing the Man of Steel clear out of the doors of the Watchtower mansion and clear onto the entrance of Chucko's Grocers

"ugh… I need a vacation after this vacation" Superman said to himself, getting himself up

"WHY ARE YOU STILL STANDING THERE? GO GET MY FOOD! NOW" Lois shrilled, her bellowing voice ringing loudly in his ears

"oh boy, I knew I should've worn a condom…" Superman groaned, walking into the grocery store

….

"this is RIDICULOUS! All us men are forced to work for our wives, mother and siblings" Batman grumbled irately before seeing Maggie Sawyer, Lady Blackhawk and Spy Smasher behind him

"oh Bruce. We'd like a word with you" the threesome said, Batman grumbling threats as they dragged him off to their room

"I hate my life" Batman grumbled, as he was forced to give the threesome a pedicure and a manicure then give them a bubble bath and then give them ANOTHER pedicure and then ANOTHER manicure


End file.
